Neon Hearts — A Heartless AI Cyberpunk “Story”

So I found this “cyberpunk story” written with an AI and it infuriated me so much that I decided to debunk it line-by-line. You can read it if you want, but you shouldn’t. I’m going to quote all the relevant parts of critique, and what I don’t quote, you’ll notice, is meaningless.

As they approached a bustling night market, Sarek couldn't help but wonder about the origin of Nyx's peculiar aura. Was it a consequence of the city's relentless grind, or did it hide a deeper, more profound secret?

Supposedly, Sarek knows Nyx. He wouldn’t wonder such things, or likely even not care about them. This is the AI just trying to bait you with fake mystery crumbs.

His cybernetic curiosity mingled with a growing sense of attachment, a connection that transcended the wires and circuits embedded within him.

What the fuck is a cybernetic curiosity??

Nyx's gaze met his, and for the first time, a subtle flicker of emotion crossed her features. It was a momentary glimpse into a world hidden beneath the surface — a world waiting to be discovered in the neon-lit tapestry of their unfolding story.

There is no story thoughhhh

Sarek's cybernetic enhancements hummed with a subtle energy

Is he… purring?

resonating with the mysterious frequency that seemed to emanate from Nyx. They sat in companionable silence, the cityscape serving as a canvas for the unspoken connection between them.

The AI can’t imagine what this connection can be. It literally cannot. So it keeps hinting at it in the most vague possible way, and you, the reader, are baited to fill in the gaps.

Sarek broke the quietude, his voice carrying a mixture of curiosity and introspection. “There's something about you, Nyx. Something that my cybernetics can't quite comprehend.”

How does a voice carry introspection? What does it mean? What even are “his cybernetics” and why would they comprehend a person in front of him better than he can?

Nyx turned to him, her gaze meeting his with a newfound intensity. In that moment, the vacant expression she had worn like a mask dissolved, revealing a hint of vulnerability.

Out of the blue, and for no reason whatsoever, the woman is vulnerable. Expect the trope with the strong charismatic man taking the lead.

“I've been searching for answers,” Sarek continued, his cybernetic eyes reflecting the neon glow. “Answers about these enhancements, about the connection I feel with you.”

...and here it is. Also, can we stop spamming the words “cybernetic” and “neon”? I got it, he has implants, we’re in a cyberpunk setting. I don’t forget it every other paragraph, because as a reader I have memory; but the AI doesn’t, so it needs to periodically remind itself that yes, we’re still in a cyberpunk world!

The cybernetic currents surged, weaving a tapestry of shared experiences that transcended the limitations of language.

This is supposed to be hinting at love, but it couldn’t be more vague. Which experiences? Are they feeling good, or grieving together about a past event? Are they frightened about some upcoming menace, are they being chased? None of this is told.

The cybernetics that bound Sarek to the city's clandestine secrets now resonated in harmony with Nyx's own mysterious essence.

In order to write proper mystery stories, you have to make the reader engaged, make them ask questions. Repeating “mysterious” and “secret” not only is not enough, but it makes the reader disengage.

Little did they know that the cybernetic currents that pulsed between them held the key to unlocking the secrets of both their pasts—a revelation that would reshape the contours of their intertwined narrative in the neon-lit tapestry of love and mystery.

Literally all I complained about so far, but mashed together and cranked to 110. Disgusting word salad.

By now we’re at the end of “chapter” three (they’re barely even paragraphs), and you should’ve noticed that nothing is really happening. There is no real dialogue, no actual events taking place, no one’s backstory or intentions are being shown and none of the characters is making any decisions. Had I been one of the guys writing fillers for Naruto’s anime, this shit would’ve been a godsend.

The following days found Sarek and Nyx navigating the intricate alleys and hidden corners of Night City, their connection growing stronger with each shared moment. Sarek's cybernetics, once a mysterious enigma, now resonated in harmony with Nyx's presence, as if they were two pieces of a larger, interconnected puzzle.

Again, zero details. What are they doing in these days that makes “their connection grow stronger”? Are they investigating on a dodgy corporate crime? Are they looking for some friend who has been kidnapped after a strike? They might be overcoming the challenges in their relationship as they face these obstacles, but since an AI cannot imagine the process of “initial state → confrontation → growth”, this can’t happen.

His inquiries led them through the underbelly of the city, where whispers of a clandestine organization reached his enhanced ears.

A vague enemy pops out of nowhere. I wasn’t even interested in how he found out about this place! Investigations are so boring that you can dismiss them with “his inquiries led them” and call it a day, apparently.

Nyx, ever the silent accomplice

Of course, she’s the woman in the story.

it was a convergence of fates written in the binary code that governed their cybernetic existence.

Another word salad. Sounds cool, doesn’t mean anything.

guided by the whispers in the code and the unspoken connection that bound them—a connection that held the key to unraveling the mysteries of their cybernetic origins and the love that blossomed amidst the neon-lit chaos.

I’m starting that if I reiterate all the points I made so far about these kinds of lines I will end up like the AI-sounding one. Repeat, repeat, repeat. All the LLM can do.

Sarek and Nyx, their cybernetic bond growing stronger

So this is a thing that just… happens. We’re not given any insight into how that happens, that’s not something an Ai can provide. What it can do is notice that in most stories the MCs get closer, and so these two have to, as well.

The duo's investigation brought them to a hidden data vault

I bet the very boring part where they could’ve caught a grunt and snatched the info about the hideout from them has not been included for a very valid reason!

Nyx, a silent accomplice

Sigh.

CipherTech's clandestine operations extended beyond cybernetic experimentation; they were architects of a grander scheme, manipulating the very foundation of Night City's reality.

This is supposed to be the scary/disquieting part, the climax of the story where the MCs find out the real purpose of the villain, which threatens their loved ones or dear places or their future. But there are zero details about it, so I don’t give a shit. Why should I give a shit about “the very foundation of Night City’s reality”, how does that mess with the MCs or any other element that I might’ve gotten attached to so far? It doesn’t.

Nyx, attuned to the currents of his emotions, stood by him, a steadfast presence in the face of the impending storm.

What impending storm? What is about to happen? Neither CipherTech nor OmniCorp (btw these are comically silly names for villains lmao) seem to have a step-by-step plan to do whatever, and even if they have I can’t know because it’s not being told in the story.

By the end of chapter five we realize the whole story has been built on the utterly embarrassing premise that a random person (remember, Sarek is not a head of state or a particularly important man, and if he is we’re not told in the story) has implants of unknown origin because two evil corporations want to fuck up the city. Make it make sense.

The revelation of betrayal had ignited a spark within Sarek, fanning the flames of rebellion against the corporate machinations that sought to control him.

The dude has not talked to anyone in five chapters. What kind of rebellion has he built? Who’s following him? Apparently only me and the pet woman, and not for long.

Sarek, his cybernetic enhancements glowing with an iridescent intensity, breached the digital defenses of CipherTech's mainframe.

So not only these dumbasses have no clear plan or reason to be generically evil, they even gave this random man the necessary tech to break their own system asunder. A villain this stupid shouldn’t even be able to ride a fucking bike, imagine threaten a city. But this is another rule of scifi: no author can write characters smarter than themself. We’re seeing the consequences of this in full right here.

Nyx, her silent presence a testament to their shared determination, stood by his side

We can read this as a summary of women’s roles in modern scifi, and in that sense it’s a scathing commentary. Unintentional satire by our pal ChatGPT, don’t give it credit!

The cybernetic enhancements they had bestowed upon him were but a small part of a grander design — a plan to mold a new breed of augmented individuals under the guise of progress.

Bet every single one of them can hack the company too!

CipherTech guards, enhanced with cybernetic augmentations of their own, proved to be formidable adversaries. Sarek, his own enhancements a testament to the merging of man and machine, met each challenge head-on, his movements fluid and precise.

This stupid ass company can’t even give their own employees better tech than they gave to a random man. But also: what did Sarek do exactly? Did he beat them up, did he dodge bullets faster than sound? Did he win a dance-off?

The AI, a digital amalgamation of intelligence and malevolence

Here it gets meta. An AI writes a story where the villain (who by the way has changed like four times through the story, but it was never important to begin with) is an evil AI. It’s not trying to scare you off, mind: it’s just the average villain of cyberpunk stories. And now it will be defeated in order to prove that the machine alone can’t compete against the machine/human hybrid.

Sarek and Nyx stood at the precipice of a cybernetic revolution, ready to rewrite the code of their intertwined destinies.

This just made me laugh. Literally you can cut-paste this line everywhere in the story and it doesn’t make a difference. When this happens, it means the line isn’t adding anything.

Nyx, it seemed, had been a prototype — an experiment that predated Sarek's own cybernetic enhancements. CipherTech, in their insatiable quest for power, had sought to create beings with the ability to navigate the digital tapestry of the city, transcending the limitations of mere mortals.

So the “prototype”, who has been useless for the whole story, turns out to be even more instrumental in the company’s demise. Talk about tech unicorns…

At the end of chapter seven the conflict has immediately vanished in the background. The city’s fate doesn’t matter anymore (it never has), it goes back to the two MCs’ “love” as it has been barely hinted in the first two chapters (they held hands, perhaps? It wasn’t even clear), after the female character has been shelved for half the story only to return as the hero’s prize.

It became apparent that Nyx, like Sarek, had been a victim of experimentation

One last time: notice here that the two characters are in the same condition at the beginning of the story, but one is “driven by newfound purpose” (the man) and the other is just… there.

Their journey led them to the edge of Night City, where the outskirts held the promise of a fresh start.

Wasn’t there a rebellion brewing somewhere? Instead they literally fuck off to the suburbs. This is some strong Ameribrain conclusion: get the bread, leave everyone else behind and build an isolated family away from SocietyTM.

NERO, in a 5m music video, manages to tell a better cyberpunk love story than this one. So at least you can enjoy something decent after this statistical parrot has murdered the meaning of cyberpunk.